She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize