i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
