Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm like, not good at living.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
