How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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