Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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