honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
