Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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