i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
