If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
