Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize