shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
