do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
