Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
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