i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
