I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
