Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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