Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize