I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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