"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
