i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My balls are so social today.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
