I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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