guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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