Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
