Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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