I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
