clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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