Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
your like the ambassador to my penis.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
