she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
