This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
