i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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