You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we're so committed to being not committed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
