I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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