yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize