no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
