I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
