My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
