youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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