No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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