Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
