gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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