He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
