Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
