Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
