is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
