I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
