he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
