so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
