I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
