I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
