are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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