I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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