the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
