Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
