so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
