My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
