Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
