She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We had to coat check the pizza.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
