I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
