This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
