im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
