I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
