My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
