she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize