when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I touched a dick in church today
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
