I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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