I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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