I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
