Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
