he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
