Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize