Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
