a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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