Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
