Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
