Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
