So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Vodka?
Forever.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize