I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize