I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
