no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
