meet me or not, i'm out of control
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
