Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
