Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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