No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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