I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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