I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
