it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
