Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
