3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
