the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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