she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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