i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
