I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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