i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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