I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
