very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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