The best revenge is premature balding
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
