He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize