i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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