All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
