someone owes me an orgasm
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How external is "for external use only"?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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