Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
this hospital has no fireball
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
