I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
