god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
