someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
