I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
