so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
what day is it and did you see me today?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
