I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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